I am also a carer for my husband and it is a fine line between caring and controlling that most people don't recognize. I am often asked why I "let" my husband do something. I am not his mother and he is not a child! Sometimes he will make poor decisions. I try as best I can to minimize them,especially serious ones that also impact my life, but he still is his own agent. His mental illness (his disability) does not define him as a person to me and it shouldn't to anyone else. Once people stopped doing this to him (after I married him and made people stop as much as I could), I have seen him grow and blossom. Everyone wants to be independent and have freedom. Some of us just need a bit more support in having it. There should be no shame in that.